


Human Closeness

by Rezdis



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Blow Jobs, Comfort, First Time Blow Jobs, Love Confessions, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romantic Fluff, Rough Kissing, Virgin Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-02-23 22:01:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2557247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rezdis/pseuds/Rezdis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has been saved by Steve and now they are living together and trying to figure out their relationship. Post Captain America: The Winter Soldier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place on the same timeline as my other fic Late Night Talks but is not necessarily a sequel.

Sounds from the kitchen cause Bucky to stir in his bed. He didn't even realize he had been sleeping and wasn't sure what time of day it was. 

He looked at the clock. 6:30. He looked out the window. From the skies, he concluded it was 6:30 in the evening. 

He smiled. Then got up to go greet Steve in the kitchen. 

“When did you get home?” Bucky asked as he wandered out of Steve's bedroom.

Steve turned around from the food he was fussing with on the stove.

“About 15 minutes ago. How'd you sleep? Any nightmares?” Steve asked tenderly

“No, I didn't dream at all. In fact I didn't even know I was taking a nap. I just stretched out on your bed for a second.”

“Not surprising. You didn't sleep at all last night.”

“Yeah, sorry if I kept you up.”

“No, I'm just glad you're here and not in the care of someone else.”

This was more or less how things had gone over the past few weeks since Steve had recovered him from Hydra. 

S.H.I.E.LD, a ghost of its former self, now took him. They had him live in their facility, did medical exams on him when ever they pleased and made him talk to a therapist all the time. 

They even gave him a haircut without his permission, which he actually didn't mind - but still, it was the principle of the thing. 

Then Steve showed up. He insisted he take care of Bucky and that he would live at his apartment. Steve saved Bucky from Hydra, then S.H.I.E.L.D, and he was more than happy to have the responsibility of caring for him. 

The buzzer when off on the stove and Steve put whatever her had been fussing with in the oven. 

“It should be done in about 20 minutes.”

Steve then went to sit down on his couch and Bucky followed. This was when Bucky was the happiest - when he and Steve were alone together, just doing nothing. Steve would talk about what he referred to as the “boring politics” surrounding what little bit of S.H.I.E.L.D was left, which Bucky would intently listen to anyway. 

Sometimes Steve would tell stories about the two of them before he was The Winter Solider. 

It would occasionally bring back a memory for Bucky, but usually only in flashes. Honestly, Steve could be making up anything; however, Bucky got the impression he wasn't that kind of person. 

Today however, after Bucky sat down, Steve just stared at him, which started to make Bucky feel a little self-conscious. 

“You'd tell me if you were unhappy with this living situation, right?” Steve finally broke in.

Bucky was confused by this. Why was he bringing this up?

“Did I do something to make it seem like I was unhappy?” 

“I just don't want you to feel like you're trapped here. That's all. You can move on whenever you like.”

Honestly Bucky knew he was not mentally well enough to be on his own and more importantly he had no desire to leave Steve. There was so much mental crap he had to deal with and Steve was the one thing that made it worth it to him. Still, he was pretty sure he couldn't tell Steve that..

“I'm perfectly fine here,” he finally answered. 

Then Steve looked down at his legs. 

“I'm glad. I really like having you around and all.”

“I'm okay. You shouldn't be worrying about this.”

Steve looked up and smiled.

“Alright,” Steve replied “So how was your day aside from your nap?”

“It was good. I did some of your laundry.”

“You didn't have to,” said Steve.

“No, I was doing some of my own anyway.”

Bucky wasn't quite sure why it was suddenly uncomfortable between them, but he wanted it to stop.

“So I made chicken mac and cheese for dinner, one of your favorites,” Steve brought up cheerfully.

Bucky didn't remember this but he was touched by the fact Steve knew and smiled. Steve smiled back with sweet unassuming smile. 

“And I have to tell you what kind of day I had...” Steve started.

Things became less awkward as Steve went into his usual retelling of his day. Then he laughed and joked throughout dinner, which Bucky enjoyed just as much as Steve promised. 

After dinner, Steve offered to clean up, then turned on his TV. 

However, Bucky had a hard time paying attention. He kept glancing over at Steve to watch his reactions then looking away when Steve looked at him. 

After the show was over, Bucky began getting ready for bed and Steve was tidying some things up when the phone rang. Bucky sighed, because he knew there were one of two reasons the phone ever rings. S.H.I.E.L.D was having an emergency, or the woman was calling. 

Romanoff. The woman Bucky had “met” during his fight with S.H.I.E.L.D. She would call Steve twice a week, like clockwork.

He could only hear Steve's side of the conversation but it always the same conversation anyway. They're talk about something work related, then Steve would tell her about how his life was, then he'd tell her about Bucky's “progress”. That part was sometimes followed by a pause, Steve laughing, then making a comment along the lines of, “He's not my boyfriend.”

Nevertheless, Bucky always eavesdropped. When Steve answered the call “Good evening Romanoff” and walked into his closed bedroom, Bucky stood on the other side with his ear pressed to the door.

There were exchanges about S.H.I.E.L.D. and whether Steve had any issues lately. Usually followed by “Yeah, things are great here.”

Then a pause.

“No, we haven't had any problems getting along.”

Another few seconds of silence.

“I mean, I told him I didn't want to stop him if he wanted to move out, but he says he's fine.”

After another second Steve laughed.

“No, I don't think there will be a wedding soon.”

This made Bucky's face twitch. Then he decided he was done listening, sat back down on the couch and pretended to watch TV. 

After another few minutes, Steve came out of his bedroom and hung up the phone. 

“Sorry, was that call keeping you up?” he asked.

“No, I was just watching more TV,” Bucky lied.

“Well, I'm going to go to bed now. Whose turn is it to sleep on the floor?”

“Mine,” Bucky replied.

There was only one bedroom in Steve's apartment. However, Steve bought an inflatable mattress for the floor he intended to start sleeping, on so Bucky could have the bed. 

Bucky of course insisted he sleep on the floor, so Steve decided taking turns was the obvious compromise. 

After Steve had gotten in bed and turned off the lights, Bucky slid under the blankets on his rubbery raft to his dreams. 

He didn't fall asleep immediately. He laid there and watched Steve's slow breathing and gazed at the  
outline of his perfect bicep. 

“Enough,” he finally told himself, and rolled over with his back to Steve. He tried to fall asleep.

He closed his eyes and began drifting off. The next thing he knew, he was back with Hydra. There were people standing around him. He couldn't see their faces, but he just knew who they were. 

They were discussing what to do with him and finally decided to put him back in cryofreeze. Bucky started fighting to get free. Then, he realized he was sitting up in bed. 

The knowledge it had been a dream should have been a comfort to him; however, he still had trouble catching his breath and felt nauseated.

He laid back down on his mattress and took deep breaths. 

He had woken Steve up, who was now looking at him with concern.

“Are you okay? Are you going to throw up again?” Steve asked, a little distressed.

“No, I'm alright,” Bucky responded, while trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach.

He looked at the glowing numbers on Steve's alarm clock. 2:06. He still had several more hours until morning. 

His two options would be to pace around Steve's tiny living room or lay there in the dark. Deciding he was too ill to pace, he would have to lay there in the dark. 

Bucky remembered enough about his former self to know he didn't used to be this pathetic. However, he was also aware of how naive he was and how unaware he was of how cruel the world could be. 

He rolled over on his side curled up and closed his eyes. He must have fallen asleep, because when he opened his eyes again, it was morning. 

He sat up and looked around. Steve had already left. He scratched at his messy hair, stood up and walked to the kitchen. He poured himself some cereal and ate it standing over the sink. 

However, when he was finished, he noticed something while he was rinsing out his bowl. Steve had done last night's dishes and left them in the drying rack. Yet, he didn't leave all of them. 

All the knives had already been put back in their drawer. 

Bucky had an aversion to knives since he had been released from Hydra. He used them a lot as The Winter Solider and didn't have the inclination to use them again. Steve knew this and had been cutting up his meals before he served them to him. 

Now apparently, he was putting them away so he didn't even have to look at them. 

He smiled stupidly at the thought and wandered back into the bedroom. He laid down on the bed Steve had slept on the night before. 

Bucky missed Steve every moment he was gone and noticing all the little things Steve did for him made it feel bittersweet. 

He put his face in Steve's pillow.

“I'm only going to lay here for a minute,” he told himself. “Just a minute. Then I'm getting up to do something useful.” 

He laid there dwelling on the knives and wallowing in the heartbreak he was causing himself by doing so. Several minutes passed and he failed to get up and become useful. 

He loved Steve. He knew it. He kept telling himself he wasn't sure, that his brain had been scrambled and he was just confused. But in his heart there was no question he was senselessly in love with Steve. 

His face was still in Steve's pillow when he heard the front door open.

Bucky immediately sat up and pretended he hadn't just been cuddling with Steve's pillow.

“You're home early,” Bucky called from the bedroom.

“Yeah, S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't have anything for me to do today and sent me home,” Steve responded while walking into the bedroom. “So, were you sleeping?”

“Actually, I was just about to get up and do something.” 

“Well, I think you've been in this apartment way too much and we should go to the park today.”

“That sounds good to me. Just give me a second.” 

Bucky grabbed some of his clothes and went into the bathroom to get ready.

Luckily, it was fall and Bucky could wear long sleeves and walk around with his hand in his pocket to hide his metal arm. However, he was not sure what he would do when spring came. 

After he put on his shoe, he and Steve started on their walk. The weather was cool and dried leaves blew on the ground. 

“Do you go on a run this morning?” Bucky asked after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah, I ran into Sam. He said he thought the three of us should go out together again soon.”

Bucky nodded. He liked Sam the last time he met him however he could remember fighting him as The Winter Solider which was a little awkward for him. 

They walked alone kicking at leaves while Steve told a funny story about Sam. 

Bucky listened, but kept staring at Steve’s hand dangling as he walked. The thought occurred to him that he wanted to reach over and take it in his own. 

Then he realized how crazy that was and pushed the thought away. 

Steve had never said or done anything to indicate he had any desire to be anything more than friends. Bucky was left to assume he didn't want to be. 

However, Steve also had never said anything to indicate they had been anything more than just friends in the past. Bucky wasn't quite sure that was true.  
He had a sliver of a memory, or possibly just a fantasy he made, of Steve and himself as teenagers standing in the dark just behind his old front door and sharing a kiss. 

Maybe it never happened. Maybe it did and Steve was ashamed of it now. Either way, Steve had never given him any reason to believe he wanted anything but friendship. 

When they reached the park, they walked onto the grass and Steve led them to a large tree and suggested they sit under it. 

“I have something for you,” Steve said giving Bucky a caring smile.

Bucky suddenly felt warm inside.

“What kind of something?” 

Steve smiled bigger and reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a thick piece of paper then handed it to Bucky.

Bucky inspected it. It was a picture of him and Steve as teenagers. They appeared to be at some sort of celebration. 

“It's from your 17th birthday party. S.H.I.E.L.D. recovered it somehow and restored it. Since you don't have many memories, I want you to have it” Steve explained. 

Bucky stared at Steve and decided he no longer cared if it was crazy. Someway, somehow he needed to tell Steve how deeply in love he is with him.


	2. A Lazy Night Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have a confession to make,” he said.
> 
> “Listen,” Steve began “Anything you did when Hydra had you is water under the bridge now.”
> 
> “No, it's not about that. It's something else.”
> 
> “Are you okay?” Steve asked, concerned.

Bucky sat on Steve's bed while Steve was in the kitchen, making dinner. He had left the door open just wide enough he could watch Steve though it. 

He attempted to imagine the scenario over and over again in his head of what was going to happen when he confessed he was in love with Steve.  
Not knowing how Steve was going to react, this turned out to be an impossible task. 

He knew his chances of living “happily ever after” with Steve were slim, but he couldn't keep his feelings secret forever. It had been tearing at his chest to get out and this feeling was only getting worse. 

When Steve called him out to eat, he tried not to let on that he was nervous. He ate quietly and agreed with whatever Steve said. Then when they were about done Bucky spoke up.

“I have a confession to make,” he said.

“Listen,” Steve began “Anything you did when Hydra had you is water under the bridge now.”

“No, it's not about that. It's something else.”

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, concerned. 

“I love you.” Just say it - “I love you,” Bucky thought to himself, as Steve just stared at him a little confused.

“I have feelings for you,” Bucky spat out, deciding at the last second he was too scared to say “love.”

“What?” Steve squinted at him from across the table. 

“I really care about you,” Bucky said, cringing at how badly this was going.

“Yeah, I know. I care about you too, Buck.” Steve replied.

Bucky then realized there was no other way to explain himself other than to just say it.

“No, I mean I'm in love with you.” 

Bucky looked down at the table waiting to hear some kind of polite rejection or something. 

However Steve said nothing. Then, after a second, Bucky looked up to find Steve staring at the table himself. 

“Do you miss me when we're apart?” Steve finally asked without looking up.

“Yes,” answered Bucky.

“And seeing me again is the best part of your day?” Steve added.

“Uh-huh,” Bucky nodded, wondering where Steve was going with this.

Steve looked up a bit, then paused again.

“Do you ever want to reach over and touch me for no reason?” 

“Sometimes,” responded Bucky.

“Yeah,” said Steve looking back down at the table and smiling a little to himself. “I feel the same way.”

An elated laugh escaped Bucky and he through his hand over his mouth to stifle himself. 

Then Steve began to laugh a bit at Bucky's excitement.

“And you didn't say anything before now?” Bucky exclaimed overjoyed.

“You never said anything before today either,” Steve pointed out, still smiling.

“So what happens next?” Bucky asked, as the laughter and elation died down.

“Well, I should probably clear these dishes,” Steve joked.

Bucky rolled his eyes.

“After the dishes, asshole. What's next for us?”

Steve got up and grabbed the dishes. 

“I don't know. What did you have in mind for us after your big confession?'

“Actually, I kind of thought you would reject me, so I don't know either,” Bucky said honestly.

Steve shuffled some things around in the sink then went to go sit on the couch. Bucky followed.

“I guess we start doing the things normal couples do,” Steve replayed after some thinking.

“Like what kind of stuff do you mean?” Bucky asked shrugging.

“Why do you keep asking me this stuff? I don't know,” Steve said, with a bit of a frustrated laugh.

“I thought you knew what normal couples did.”

“I've never really been in a relationship before. You tell me,” said Steve.

Bucky tried to think back to what he did with the girls he dated. He remembered taking them dancing and holding hands as they walked places and fooling around in his car.

“We could go fool around in a car,” Bucky suggested with a smirk. 

“I don't even own a car. I just have my motorcycle,” Steve said, a little bemused.

“I didn't say your car. I said a car,” teased Bucky. 

“Yeah okay, who's the asshole now?” Steve shot back. 

“Maybe we should just do the things we normally do, but be more affectionate to each other,” proposed Bucky.

“Alright, I can handle that,” Steve responded. 

He grabbed the remote and flipped on the TV. 

After they were both comfortable watching the show, Steve slid his hand into Bucky's lap. 

Bucky wrapped his own hand - his human one - around Steve's and smiled. He was happy Steve felt the same way and even happier that the awkwardness from a few nights ago was over. Now the two of them were free to be totally honest with one another. 

After the show was over, Steve turned the TV off. However, both of them still sat there holding hands, not sure what else to do.

“You really didn't think this though, did you?” asked Steve after a few seconds.

“No, I did not,” Bucky answered shaking his head.

Then Steve leaned over and gave Bucky a small kiss on his cheek. 

Bucky, whose face now felt a little warm, looked over at Steve whose face had become very pink. He was smiling back, a little sheepishly. 

Then suddenly he felt a little aroused by shy, innocent Steve.

“Come here” he said leaning forward and grabbing Steve to hold him still. Then he pulled Steve's legs onto the couch so he was in a laying down position. Next Bucky climbed on top of him. 

Bucky stared down at Steve who was staring back up at Bucky. Their faces were about a foot away from each others. He just watched Steve for a few moments. He observed how hard he was breathing. 

Bucky started to lower his face down to kiss Steve. 

“No,” Steve interrupted. “Touch my face first.” 

Bucky balanced on his metal arm and with the other one touched Steve's cheek. He then caressed his skin with his thumb. Steve smiled a little lazily. 

“Why are you so perfect?” whispered Bucky.

“I'm really not,” Steve whispered back.

Then Bucky finished lowering his head until his lips met with Steve's. 

He had memories of kissing but he couldn’t remember what it felt like or tasted like. Now, his senses were flooded with Steve. 

They gave each other long, slow kisses as Bucky straddled Steve on his couch. He moved his free hand up to Steve hair and put his fingers in it. 

Then Steve reached up and grabbed Bucky's chest. After a minute, their kisses became more playful. Steve occasionally slipped his tongue into Bucky's mouth. 

The soft, wet feeling made Bucky begin to feel warm in his pants. Bucky decided to tease him back by nibbling on Steve's lower lip, which seemed to make Steve melt into the couch even more. 

At some point Bucky's legs must have slid out from beneath him, because he found himself laying directly on Steve. 

And as they kissed, Bucky's groin started to rub against Steve's. When he first noticed the feeling, it was just a quick pulse shooting though him; however, the more he paid attention to the feeling the more aroused it made him and the stronger it became until it made his entire body feel weak and tender. 

He couldn't stand how maddening this was becoming, but he kept going. He could tell it was affecting Steve the same way because he could feel him starting to squirm beneath him and he had gripped Bucky's chest even tighter. 

Bucky pushed his metal arm underneath Steve to pull him closer and started kissing him very hard. Steve made a small sound of pleasure in Bucky's mouth. Then a few kisses later made a bigger one. 

Then Steve pushed Bucky away.

“I think we stop should stop before I...” Steve said in a small voice then trailed off.

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed, climbing off.

Bucky sat down at the end of the couch. He looked down at the budge in his pants, then looked over at the even bigger budge in Steve's. His mouth twitched into a smirk for a second. 

Although Steve had halted it before Bucky could finish. there was still something oddly satisfying in the knowledge that he had given the great Steve Rogers a very massive hard on. 

After the two had calmed down and caught their breath, Bucky moved back over to Steve’s side of the couch. 

“I'm sorry, was that too much?” Bucky asked. pushing Steve's legs back on the couch so he could sprawl out in front of him. 

“No, I was fine...I mean, I liked it.” answered Steve. “It just got intense”

Bucky didn't say anything. He just nodded and snuggled up close to Steve. Steve reciprocated by wrapping his arms around Bucky. Bucky slid down a bit to bury his face in Steve's chest

This is what Bucky had really wanted all this time. Maybe he didn't fully realize it before now, but this is what he had actually been craving. Human closeness. 

Raw, vulnerable feelings started to fill Bucky as he laid there. He thought about the awful things that had been done to him and how long it had been since someone had loved him. For 50 years, he had no one. 

He felt a tear leak out which got absorbed into Steve's shirt. He was on the verge of losing it completely and start sobbing loudly into Steve but he didn't want to ruin the moment. In fact he kind of wanted this to last forever. So he held himself together while Steve cradled him in his arms. 

However, after about a half hour hour, the phone rang. 

“Don't get it,” Bucky said into Steve's shirt.

“You know I have to,” Steve replied as he got up.

He walked across the room and picked up the phone. 

“Hello? Good evening Romanoff, how's it going?” he said, walking into the bedroom and shutting the door.

Bucky got up to press his ear to the door but when he got close he realized he didn't have to because Steve was right on the other side of the door. As he listened there were long pauses where Steve said nothing then would interject an observation like “I'm not sure micromanaging his people like that helps.”

Then after a few minutes of business talk, Steve answered, “Oh, he's fine. We're just having a lazy night together.”

Then after another pause Steve said “It's not that I've giving up correcting you when you call him my boyfriend as much as it's the case that he...kind of is my boyfriend now.”

This was followed Natasha exclaiming “What?” loudly enough even Bucky could hear it. Then there was some more excited talking from her but it wasn't loud enough to make out.

“It's kind of a new thing. It just happened,” Steve explained “We haven't really decided we're in a committed relationship or anything but we are, you know, together.”

Bucky heard another few seconds of silence on Steve’s end followed by, “It's not that I'm gay. It's just Bucky. We've loved each other for a long time, you know?”

That was all Bucky needed to hear. That Steve loved him and that they were together now. He walked back to the couch. He laid down and put his hands over his face. Then he finally cried. Not loud sobs about how bad things had been like how he wanted to earlier but tears of hope because he knew things will be better. 

A few minutes later he hear the door open and Bucky quickly tried to cover the fact he was crying.

“So where were we?” Steve asked sitting back down on the couch.

Bucky laid his head down on Steve's lap. 

“I think you were about to tell me how handsome I am” Bucky joked grabbing Steve hands in his.

“Really? Are you sure I wasn't about to tell you how much of an ass you can be?” Steve replied, first kissing Bucky's human hand then his metal one.

Bucky stretched himself out and smiled. He and Steve laid there and played with each other’s hands for a while. Steve talked a bit about what Natasha told him about S.H.I.E.L.D and Bucky nodded along with everything. 

Then after a while a silence fell over them and Bucky broke it by asking “That wasn't the first time we had kissed was it?” 

“Nah,” Steve shook his head. “We went to a party when we were teens. You had a few drinks. After I walked you home you tried to start a make-out session in your parents' apartment.” 

“I'm not surprised by that story,” Bucky responded.

“Hell, that wasn't even the first time we cuddled,” Steve added.

“Yeah?” Bucky asked.

“We used to do it all the time when we were kids. We stopped around the time we hit puberty. I guess we started associated it with homosexuality.” 

“Yeah, of course.” Bucky laughed “It would have been terrible if we would have grown up to be all queer and shit.”

Steve did his dorky half-laugh-half-snort. 

“That would be the worst,” he declared still laughing.

After their laughs died down Steve started to act a little shy again. 

“Do you want to hear a secret?” he asked, turning a little pink.

“Definitely,” Bucky replied. 

“That kiss after the party was my first kiss ever.”

“Aww, I taught you how to kiss? You're lucky you had such a good teacher.” Bucky teased.

“Actually, plenty of women have been less than satisfied with my kisses. Clearly you're not as good as you think you are,” Steve retorted.

“I don't believe that for a second,” said Bucky.

“No, actually I've had a horrific history with women.”

“Seriously?” Bucky questioned.

“Yeah, which kind of brings me to something else I should probably share,” Steve said uneasily.

Bucky raised his eyebrows, wondering what was coming next.

“No one else knows this,” he almost whispered.

“I won't tell anyone,” reassured Bucky.

“I've never...I've never had sex with anyone.” 

Bucky blinked. “What do you mean? Like you've never had intercourse?”

“I've never done anything,” Steve said. "Like what happened a couple hours ago - that was it. That's the closest I've ever been. Which is also why I chickened out before we finished.”

“Geez,” Bucky thought to himself. He had no idea. He had just thought Steve had been nervous because he had never been with a man before.

“Listen,” Bucky started. “I don't have any expectations of you. I'm okay with whatever you're comfortable doing. It's not like this is a normal relationship anyway.”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Thank you,” he said, running his fingers though Bucky's hair.

“But really though...” Bucky started prying “You've never done anything?”

“I've made-out a few women, but like I said, they've all been underwhelmed.”

“Maybe you just need practice,” suggested Bucky, reaching up and wrapping his arms around Steve's neck.

“Why do people keep saying that to me?” he responded.

Then Bucky sat up and pulled Steve into a kiss. Steve kissed him back for a few seconds then pulled away.

“I'm really just glad the old Bucky is back,” Steve said quietly.

Bucky nodded but felt pain on the inside because he knew no matter how sane he pretended to be and no matter how many jokes he cracked, old Bucky would never really be back.

“Yeah, me too” he lied.

He pulled Steve into another kiss.


	3. Winter Is Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He consider maybe if the had a romantic evening somewhere other then the couch it might put Steve in the mood for something other than cuddles. 
> 
> But he was afraid if he planned something over the top like a high-class restaurant or a swan boat ride Steve might feel obligated to reciprocate with sex which wasn't how Bucky wanted things to be. 
> 
> It would have to be something romantic and casual. But what would that be?

“It's 11 o'clock. I should go to bed,” Steve said, looking at the time on his DVD player.

He and Bucky were laying entangled on the couch and had been for some time.

“Why? 11 isn't that late,” questioned Bucky.

“I have to get up in 6 hours, Buck”

“Fine,” Bucky said unwrapping his limbs from around Steve.

Steve stood up and stretched then started to walk to the bedroom a little sleepily.

They had been together for two weeks now, however the only place intimate moments had happened was on the couch. And those moments had been limited to whispers, cuddles and small kisses. Nothing sexual had occurred since the first night. 

This was starting to frustrate Bucky. He knew he told Steve he didn't have expectations of him and he really did mean it at the time he said it but he was starting to mean it a little less every day. 

A few days ago there was an incident where Steve was showering and Bucky went in to use the toilet. It took about every ounce of will power Bucky had not to open the curtain and step in there clothes and all. Just the thought of Steve nude and wet in there made Bucky a little stiff which added some difficulty to the fact he was trying to urinate. 

Bucky laid on the couch remembering the incident and feeling sorry for himself for a little while before he got up and decided to go to bed as well. 

As he walked into the bedroom he saw Steve had taken the inflatable mattress so Bucky sat on the edge of the bed throw off his pants and crawled into bed in his underwear. 

“Night, I love you,” Steve called from his bed while mostly asleep.

“I love you, too,” Bucky said back.

Bucky smiled to himself as he found a comfortable sleeping position. Even though he felt sorry for himself he had trouble being mad at Steve. 

That night Bucky was pledge with nightmares yet again. However when he woke up from them he didn't feel nauseous just wore down and defeated. 

He sat up in bed and put his face in his hands. He had hoped when he started getting comfort from Steve this would go away but it was still there. 

He quietly laid back down as not to wake Steve. He soon fell back asleep only to face another nightmare and to wake up to day light and an empty apartment. 

He got up and went to the refrigerator to get some juice. He lingered in the kitchen for a while then went over to Steve's laptop. 

Shortly after he started fooling around on the Internet he discovered there was pornography on there and a lot of it one could view for free. He had been looking at it more and more since his frustration began to take over. 

He watched a few things until he was sufficiently hard then went to the shower.

He turned on the warm water and let it run down his body. Then reached down and began caressing himself. Imagines of what he just watched flashed though his head and before long he was gasping for breathe.

He leaned his metal arm against the tile wall to steady himself as he became more absorbed in his pleasure.

He kept feeling like he was in the verge of finishing but couldn't quite get there. However then his mind flickered back to day he was in the bathroom as Steve was showering. He imaged what Steve would look like completely nude, water cascading down him, hair stuck to his face. 

He was so close now his legs stiffed and his toes were curled. 

Then too deep in thought about Steve to notice the warning signs Bucky came. Everything expect his release seemed to disappear for a few seconds. 

His body finally relaxed and he leaned on the wall for a few more seconds until he could stand again. 

He continued his shower in a normal matter and when he was done wrapped himself in a towel and went to the on the bed still damp.

“Something about this has to change,” Bucky thought staring blankly at the ceiling. 

He consider maybe if the had a romantic evening somewhere other then the couch it might put Steve in the mood for something other than cuddles. 

But he was afraid if he planned something over the top like a high-class restaurant or a swan boat ride Steve might feel obligated to reciprocate with sex which wasn't how Bucky wanted things to be. 

It would have to be something romantic and casual. But what would that be? 

He eventually got up and got dressed. Then spent some time examining the heater because Steve complained it was making a noise. 

Steve got home around 4pm and informed him they were going to get dinner later with Natasha and Sam. Bucky pretended to be excited.

The two of them spent a little time cuddling on the couch then Steve decided it was time to get ready to go. Bucky combed his hair and throw on shoes and a jacket. Steve however spent time fretting about his appearance in the mirror which made Bucky wonder who exactly was he trying to look good for.

Then they walk out to the parking lot. Steve climbed on his motorcycle, Bucky hopped on the back and off they went. Bucky wasn't quite sure how odd this looked by modern standards but Steve didn't seem to be concerned so he figured he shouldn't worry too much.

They arrived at the restaurant and walked in. Steve waved to a hunched over figure in a booth then went to sit there and Bucky followed.

It was Natasha wearing a long dark wig and dark make up.

“Is this your new cover? Depressed?” Steve asked jokingly.

“No, I’m just trying not to get recognized,” she answered.

“Well, you're sitting with me and everyone knows who I am,” Steve retorted.

“So anyway,” Natasha interrupted, “How's the happy couple?” 

She smiled looking back and forth between Steve and Bucky. Bucky kind of had the desire to punch her.

“Things are great. We've just been staying in at night. This is actually the first time we've been out in a while.” Steve answered cheerfully.

“Yeah? Staying in. Making love. I get it” Natasha nodded. 

Steve didn't say anything and gave Bucky a look not to say anything either.

“Does Sam know yet?” she asked after the pause.

“Nah, Should I tell him?” questioned Steve.

“That's up to you. But people who let people hide out in their home after they randomly show up at their back door tend to not be very judgmental,” she said with a smirk.

“Yeah, I know Sam's alright,” Steve said assured.

Just then Sam walked though the doors of the restaurant. 

“Hey guys, what’d I miss?” He asked sliding in next to Natasha.

“We've just been discussing what these boys have been doing since I've seen them last,” she stated.

“Oh, yeah? Anything interesting?” he asked Steve.

“No, we've just been homebodies,” Steve shook his head.

“Well anything that's isn't work is nice. Have you ordered yet?” Sam added.

“No we just got here,” Steve said as he motioned for the waitress to come over.

Bucky wondered why Steve didn't tell Sam then about the two of them being a couple. But maybe that wasn't the right moment. Or maybe Steve chickened out. 

Orders were given to the waitress, then Sam, Natasha and Steve started a conversation. Bucky felt obligated to join in but really didn't have much to add. He wasn't really friends with Sam and Natasha. 

He’d also been living a normal modern life for less time than even Steve had. 

He just agreed with them and when his food came he became busy eating. 

Natasha was hinting that she had been doing ballet again when Sam brought up that the nights had been so clear he was able to use his telescope again. This was something could add to. 

“When did you become interested in astronomy?” Bucky questioned.

“My aunt was a woman of science. She was actually a chemist but she knew a lot about astronomy too. She take me and my sibling star gazing when ever she was around.”

“That sounds really fun,” Bucky smiled. “When I was in college I took a couple astronomy classes. I really enjoyed them.” 

“So you must be an expert?” Sam asked.

“Well no, I'm sure what I learned was very basic by today's standards,” responded Bucky. 

“You and Steve should borrow my telescope some time, try out some modern equipment,” suggested  
Sam.

“Yeah, that would be great,” Bucky exclaimed.

Then a second later it occurred to him that maybe spending a night under the stars might be exactly what he and Steve needed. 

“Yeah,” Bucky repeated “That needs to happen soon.” 

“I can drop it off whenever, man.” 

The meal continued. Steve kept passing up chances to tell Sam they were a couple and at one point Natasha ever gave Bucky a look that asked “seriously?” but all Bucky could do was shrug.

By the end of the night Bucky felt like maybe one too many smiles and complements had been passed back and forth between Steve and Sam however he decided to just shake off the feeling. He was sure it was nothing. 

Sam said his goodbyes, told them he'd bring the telescope by and left. Natasha walk with them over to the bike.

“I'm very glad you found something to make you happy,” she said to Steve “I was worried about you for a while.”

“Thank you, but you don't need to worry about me. I'm always fine,” Steve smiled at her warmly. 

“Goodnight then, Rogers,” she nodded.

Then she turned to Bucky. “And goodnight to you too.”

Steve began to climb on the back of his motorcycle. Bucky followed.

“See you around, Miss Romanoff,” He called as he started the engine then he and Bucky took off. 

Late in the afternoon the next day there was a knock at the door. It was Sam with his telescope. 

He quickly showed Bucky how to out it together and somehow manged to sneak in a couple side-eye glances at Steve. Bucky pretended not to notice this and thanked Sam. Then Sam was on his way. 

“Where are we even going to set that up?” asked Steve.

“On the roof,” Bucky said, pointing upwards.

“Nobody ever goes on the roof of the building. I'm not sure we're even allowed,” Steve pointed out.

“Exactly, no one will bother us,” Bucky said smiling.

“Fine, but if we get in trouble I'm saying this was your idea,” insisted Steve.

“Sounds good to me,” Bucky said wandering over to the laptop. 

He looked up what stars they would see this time of year and try to figure out what direction to point the telescope at. Then checked the weather.

“It's going to be clear skies tonight. We can bring it out after dinner,” stated Bucky, not looking up from the screen.

“It's also going to be freezing tonight,” added Steve.

Bucky looked up from the computer.

“Guess we'll have to huddle together for warmth,” he replied with a smirk.

Steve sighed.

“We better not get caught.”

After they were done with dinner Bucky put on a sweatshirt and grabbed the telescope. He told Steve to meet him on the roof when he was done cleaning up. 

Bucky found a place to set things up and made sure everything was in focus. He heard the door open and it was Steve joining him.

“Did you find something to look at?” Steve asked walking over to Bucky. 

“I just found Ursa Major, if you want to see,” he answered.

“Okay,” Steve said stepping in front of the telescope.

“Geez, it is cold out here,” added Steve quietly.

“I'll keep you warm,” Bucky uttered into Steve's ear as he wrapped his arms around him from behind. 

“Brrr,” Steve laughed “I can feel your metal through my clothes it's so cold”

“Sorry,” Bucky said retracting his metal arm.

“No, put it in my pocket” said Steve grabbing his arm and sliding it into the front pocket of his jeans.

Bucky smiled into the back of Steve's neck.

“I think my other hand's too cold also,” he teased, slipping his human hand into Steve's other pocket.

He kissed Steve's shoulder.

“Now look though the telescope.”

Steve bent forward with Bucky still holding him. 

“You see it?” Bucky asked.

“Ah huh, that's Ursa Major?”

“Yeah, see the head and legs and that tail? It's supposed to be a bear.” 

“I've never seen a bear with a tail that long,” commented Steve.

“All the constellations are really abstract,” said Bucky.

“I can find Ursa Minor if you give me a sec,” added Bucky.

He let go of Steve and went over to adjust the telescope. 

“There's Ursa Minor.”

Steve step forward to look and Bucky put his hands on his hips from behind.

“See, I don't understand these long tailed bears,” Steve joked. 

Next Bucky found Draco and explained it was a dragon.

Steve looked at it for a while than almost absentmindedly asked.

“You haven't read the Harry Potter books have you?”

“No,” said Bucky.

“You really should,” stated Steve.

“Those books about that boy who can do magic? Really?” questioned Bucky.

“They're good, you should read them,” Steve insisted.

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Yeah,” agreed Steve. “The Hunger Games is probably more your style.”

Then Bucky spent some time showing Steve the Andromeda galaxy and telling him about it. However, standing so close to Steve was becoming very tempting and this ended in Bucky planting kisses on Steve's neck.

Steve made a small noise of contentment. Followed by Bucky pulling him closer.

“I love you,” Steve whispered.

“I love you, too,” Bucky said planting another kiss on Steve.

“Why didn't we do this 76 years ago?” asked Steve.

“Did you want this 76 years ago?” Bucky replied laying his head on Steve shoulder.

Steve was silent for a few moments then he nodded.

“If you'd asked I would have been yours, even then,” he finally answered.

Things went silent again for a while. Bucky let go of Steve and grabbed the telescope. 

“Come on,” he said to Steve. “We'll freeze if we're out here all night”

They exited the roof and walked back to the apartment. When they got inside they took off their outer layer of clothes. 

Bucky went and laid down on the couch. Steve followed and climbed on top of him.

Bucky smiled impressed by Steve's forwardness.

“Hello there,” Bucky teased, caressing one of Steve's arms. 

Steve slid his hand behind Bucky head and kissed him very hard. Bucky returned the kiss equally as passionate. They continued to kiss and Bucky let his hand slide down to get a grip on Steve's ass. Then Steve let his hand slide under Bucky's shirt a bit. 

They finally broke away and Steve sat up and starred at Bucky for a while. 

“Are you really here to stay?” Steve asked in a soft voice.

“Of course.” 

“You're not going to leave as soon as you're done recovering?”

“Don't you remember?” Bucky smiled “I'm with you ‘til the end of the line.”

Steve smiled back warmly.

“Then would it be alright if I took off your clothes?” Steve asked gently.

Bucky couldn't help but let out a laugh.

“Very gentlemanly of you to ask permission,” he replied.

“Well, I don't know how to initiate this short of thing,” said Steve a little stressed. 

“Of course you can, but first maybe we should go into the bedroom,” Bucky suggested, sitting up. 

He took Steve’s hand and led him to the bedroom, trying his best to conceal his excitement that this was finally happening. 

Bucky climbed on the bed and waited for Steve to join to him. The anticipation was causing a throbbing feeling between Bucky legs which was suddenly making it more difficult to hide his enthusiasm.

Steve sat down next to him on the bed. Then without much fanfare Steve reached over, grabbed the bottom of Bucky's shirt and pulled it over his head. He threw it on the floor as his eyes flickered up and down Bucky's torso. 

Next Steve reached down to undo Bucky's pants which he yanked to the floor. A second later he was pulling down Bucky's underwear causing his erection to spring up as he did. 

Bucky laid back on the bed, waiting for Steve to crawl on top of him but he didn't. Instead he just sat there and starred. His eyes combed over every inch of Bucky's flesh. 

“Are you going to do something, or did you just want to take off my clothes to look at me?” Bucky asked a little suggestively.

“I'm sorry, I'm not ... I've just never looked at another man like this” Steve answered a bit distracted. 

“Well let me at least level the playing field,” said Bucky as he reached over and took of Steve's shirt. 

He put one of his hands on Steve's side and kissed his chest. He did this as calmly as he could considering how extremely attractive he found Steve's body to be. 

He then started kissing Steve's neck while he unzipped his pants. Steve laid down on the bed and Bucky pulled off his pants and underwear. He threw them on the floor then laid beside Steve, wrapped his arms around him and press their mouths together. 

Bucky gave Steve messy, lustful kisses while in a daze from all his emotions. Steve's response was clutching Bucky very tightly. Their mouths and tongue kept meeting over and over again. Steve squirmed against Bucky's body occasionally letting out a whine of pleasure. 

Steve finally broke away and was about to about to say something. However, Bucky saw something that snapped him out of his emotional fog. 

“Wow!” Bucky exclaimed. “You're huge!” 

It took Steve a moment to realize Bucky was referring to massive erection he was now sporting. 

“Yeah, that was one of the accidental side effects of the serum. It kind of made me bigger everywhere. I hope it's not a problem,” Steve said a bit of offhandedly.

“A problem? No, I'm jealous.” Bucky returned. “Hydra never gave me a big dick.” 

Steve rolled his eyes.

“I think I like yours just fine the way it is,” he stated.

“Do you want to touch it, then?” Bucky asked with a smirk.

Steve squinted at it for a few seconds.

“Umm ... how?” He asked uneasily.

“The same way you touch your own, dumbass,” Bucky taunted. 

“Oh,” said Steve timidly. 

Steve then reached over and wrapped his hand around Bucky's hard cock. Slowly and uncertainly Steve began to stroke it. 

Bucky couldn't help but writhe under Steve's touch. Despite himself he let of a low moan. This surprised him as much as it seemed to surprise Steve who lifted his eyebrows at the sound. 

Bucky wriggled in bliss as Steve continued his drawn-out strokes. Then without stopping Steve broke in with a question.

“Ah ... I was wondering, umm ... how exactly are we going to do this?” 

“What do you mean?” Bucky asked distractedly.

“Like are you going to be on top? Am I going to be on top? I don't really know what I'm doing so I don't think I should be on top.”

“I was thinking we would start out with something a little less ...” Bucky paused not knowing the right word “... extreme.” 

“Like what?” 

Gasping for a breath, Bucky replied “Like oral sex.”

Steve nodded but didn't say anything.

“Is that okay with you? I could try it first if you want,” Bucky added.

“Yes, I would like that,” Steve answered.

Bucky sat up and Steve let go of him. 

He tried to think back to the women who had done this to him but he didn't really remember much aside from heads between his legs. But he'd seen it in porn and he'd figured he could just wing it.

“Alright, you sit on the edge of the bed and I'll sit on the floor.” 

Bucky sat crossed-legged on the floor and Steve moved to the edge of the bed and opened his legs in front of Bucky.

Steve had gone a little soft since their make-out session so Bucky lifted up his cock with his hand and licked the underside. He heard Steve take a sharp breath and immediately became more erect. After a few more licks he became huge and stiff again.

“Keep going,” Steve purred. 

Bucky smiled and took all of Steve into his mouth or at least what would fit. Steve moaned as he did. 

Bucky began to suck on it. He let his saliva drip down it and used it to help massage what didn't fit in his mouth. 

He closed his eyes and listen to Steve's whimpers and moans. He wasn't sure how Steve's sounds of pleasure could be so sweet and charming yet so seductive at the same time. However this made his soul burn with devotion. 

After a few minutes Steve's whimpers turned into cries and his body began to tense up and Bucky knew he was about to finish. He wrapped his hand around Steve even tighter and jerked him rather furiously in and out of his mouth. 

Then Bucky felt a warm spurt on his tongue accompanied by a sharp cry from Steve. A few more spurts followed and Bucky decided to swallow them and choked them down. 

When Steve was done cumming he collapsed backwards into to bed. He laid there breathing heavily.

“Fuck!” was all he manged to get out between his breathes. 

Bucky got up from his spot on the floor and laid next to Steve. He kissed Steve's neck which was now damp with sweat. Steve rolled over and kissed Bucky on the lips.

“I guess it's your turn now,” Steve smiled

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Bucky smiled back.

Once Steve recovered from his orgasm and was able to move again he he climbed down onto the floor and motioned for Bucky to come to the edge. 

Bucky got in position on the edge and smiled down at Steve. Steve returned the smile and a tender kiss to the head of Bucky's cock. This was so sexy Bucky could barely stand it. 

Steve gave it a few licks until Bucky was completely hard and throbbing. Then Steve put his mouth around it and a little timidly began to bob up and down on it which felt fantastic to Bucky. 

However, after a minute, Steve began to gag. 

Bucky stopped him. 

“Here, do what I did. Just jerk it while it's in your mouth,” he suggested stoking the side of Steve's face.

Steve took Bucky's advice and Bucky was very satisfied with the results. The combination of Steve firm grip with his warm wet mouth made his whole body buzz. 

He reached down and put his finger in Steve's hair. Bucky sat there and took in every second of pleasure. Since he couldn't recall any clear memories of sex this was almost like his first time as well.

After a little while he knew he was close to finishing and Steve must have sensed this too because he to become more aggressive. Bucky grabbed his hair very tightly and enjoyed his last few seconds of intense pleasure and screwed up his face in a way he was sure was unbecoming.

With a loud gasp, he was hit with a sharp orgasm. He released into Steve mouth which he spat out as he pulled back. However Bucky had not finished cumming and his final spurts ending up on Steve's chest. 

Then he sat there and just looked at Steve. Cum dripping down his chin. Cum dripping down his chest onto his perfect stomach. As far as Bucky was concerned it was beautiful. 

Steve tried to get up but Bucky stopped him and continued to stair. 

“Oh, is this a good look for me?” Steve asked sarcastically.

“Actually, it is,” replied Bucky still a little dazed.

Steve looked at him slightly unamused. 

“Here, let me get something to wipe you off,” Bucky said standing up.

He went into the bathroom and grabbed the washcloth out of the shower. Then brought it into the bedroom. 

Steve was sitting on the bed waiting.

Bucky stood in front of him and washed mouth and chin with great care. Then he got down on his knees to wipe his body. He couldn't help but smile as he did.

“Stop being so pleased with yourself,” Steve said flatly.

“I'm just happy right now, that's all,” Bucky explained “Look you're cleaned up now. You can stop being so grumpy”

“I'm not being grumpy,” insisted Steve.

Bucky stood up and stared at Steve for a second.

“Yes you are.” 

Then he bent over and gave him a quick kiss then walked back to the bathroom.

“No I'm not,” Steve called back.

When Bucky returned he pulled down blankets and got into bed.

“Unless my memory is failing me I believe it's convention to cuddle after sex,” Bucky noted.

“Oh yeah, right,” Steve said following Bucky.

They laid faced to face embracing each other becoming a tangle of limbs. At first they laid there in silence however this was eventually broken by Bucky.

“So now that you know it's not a big deal do you regret not doing it sooner?” 

“Not really,” Steve answered.

“So there's really no one else you wanted to sleep with?”

“I didn't say that,” Steve replied “You are not the only person I have ever loved, James Barnes.” 

Steve reached up and brushed Bucky's hair back. 

“I just figured if things were meant to work out with her they would have.”

“Well, you are the only person I've ever loved,” Bucky stated.

“That's not true. You were in love with that girl Carol for like two years,” Steve argued.

“Well, I don't remember Carol so that doesn't count,” insisted Bucky.

“That's because you don't remember anything,” Steve said laughing.

It quieted down again and they were left smiling at each other. 

“I'm glad it was you,” Steve whispered.

Steve leaned in and kissed Bucky very tenderly.

All of Bucky's insides felt warm and even though he loved Steve before he was sure he had reached a new passion for him.

“Isn't it past your bed time?” he asked trying to change the subject before he could get too emotional.

“Yeah, way past it,” Steve replied.

“Let's turn off the lights then,” Bucky said pulling free to turn off the lamp.

“Alright.”

Steve stretched out to find a comfortable sleeping position. Bucky rolled over and nuzzled his head against Steve's shoulder. 

“I'm allowed to sleep next to you tonight, right?” 

“You can sleep next to me every night from now on if you'd like,” Steve answered. 

Then Bucky closed his eyes and laid there hopeful as he waited for sleep. Because this might just be the beginning of his sweet dreams.


End file.
